-
@ Jack Spirko
2023-07-19 15:21:15I call it the rule of the three D’s. When something is presented to you, asked of you, emailed to you, etc., assuming you're not receiving an order from a boss or a commander in the military, these are your only three options. Ineffective people, in general, are in denial of this fact. Hence, they tend to defer a lot. "Defer" should be the absolute lowest percentage of the three options.
Why?
Simply put, most ineffective people end up deferring indefinitely by default, which is essentially a choice to decline in a very poor manner. Yet, successful people say "no" a lot. So, why would deferring be a problem in this instance if it is, in many ways, simply declining? There are several reasons, but three primary ones stand out.
Reason One - Damaged Relationships and Networks
The most effective people you will ever have in a network value keeping commitments and being decisive. So, when they offer you an opportunity, ask you a favor, etc., they respect a "no", they respect a "yes", and they respect a "let me check and get back to you" if done swiftly and the timeline is met.
They don’t appreciate waiting longer than promised for an answer or receiving no answer at all. The self-sabotage you inflict on your network by not making a decision or providing a clear deferral timeline is so damaging that further elaboration should be unnecessary. But I'll continue. Frankly, it's akin to ghosting a significant other. It's a behavior expected of teenagers, not mature adults.
Reason Two - It Makes You an Ineffective Asshole
Indefinite deferral is akin to knowing you have an assignment due but continuously procrastinating. It leads to cognitive dissonance. While many believe cognitive dissonance arises only when confronted with new information that challenges existing beliefs, there's another form.
Acting counter to your personal ethics is one such form. It's why, when faced with an impending deadline and making no progress, you become irritable and, bluntly, start acting like an asshole. This behavior hampers your productivity and success. Engage in it for a lifetime, and you'll lose years of productivity and alienate many.
Reason Three - You Gain Nothing
As already mentioned, you burn bridges, induce stress in your life, and lose time and productivity. So, what's the payoff for all this? Absolutely nothing. We all occasionally act in ways that are uncomfortable. Sometimes, we treat people in ways we'd rather not, like firing an employee solely for budgetary reasons. We all endure stress, sometimes for personal gain or the "greater good". These actions can be justified. Even if they turn out wrong, at least there was an attempt to achieve something beneficial.
However, when you indefinitely defer, what's the intended gain? To illustrate, consider someone stealing a car. We all recognize this as wrong, with risks like imprisonment. But the motive is clear: by stealing, you acquire a car, which can be sold or used. As unethical as it is, there's a potential reward. Indefinite deferral, on the other hand, offers no such incentive.
Why Do People Do This?
Because saying "no" is uncomfortable. It might be due to guilt, or perhaps it's an opportunity you're declining even when "no" is the right answer. There are myriad reasons. Even though in the end, people end up stringing the other party along, causing all the aforementioned damage, they don't do it out of malice. Most operate out of well-intentioned incompetence.
So, What's the Solution?
It's simple: do, defer, or decline, and do so promptly. Let's use an example. Imagine you receive a request to speak at an event via email. You're interested, but after checking the dates and venue size, you feel you might not have the time. I encounter this scenario weekly, and often, I decline. But let's examine each option:
Option One - Do - In the given example, there might be some negotiation regarding a speaker fee and expenses, but it's resolved quickly. If the terms are agreeable, you commit and proceed.
Option Two - Defer - Deferring isn't inherently bad if done correctly. In the example, you might need to check if you can adjust your schedule. A response like, "I'm interested, here are my terms. If they're acceptable, I can give you an answer in 5 days after rearranging some commitments," is appropriate. If they agree, you must adhere to the deadline. If you're still uncertain by then, it's time to decline.
Option Three - Decline - A swift response, such as "I truly appreciate the opportunity, but I can't fit this event into my schedule," is all that's needed. Most of the time, when people defer, they know they should simply decline.
In Conclusion
Life's too damn short to be stuck in the limbo of indecision. Every moment you spend dithering is a moment you're not moving forward, not making an impact. The rule of the three D’s isn't just a guideline—it's a mantra for those who want to lead with purpose and clarity. So the next time you're faced with a decision, remember: act with conviction, be transparent in your intentions, and for the love of all things good, don't leave people hanging.
In the grand scheme of things, it's not just about making decisions; it's about making a statement about who you are and how you value others. So, do, defer, or decline, but whatever you choose, do it with purpose.