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@ ferrell
2023-07-18 18:49:00well, it's happened again.
my wife's brought home another goldfish.
that makes four this week, and it's only wednesday.
"why so many goldfish?" you might ask. "who the fuck are you and why are you in my garage?" i might reply.
after posting bail, you may be so bold as to inquire again. as we now go back a ways, i'm more inclined to tell you, quoting from my favorite author, sherlock holmes: beats me!
maybe it's the way, by moonlight, they shimmer, silently swimming and softly silhouetted by the various spice containers dotting our kitchen (generic brand, of course, as our money is mostly tied up in the goldfish budget). maybe it's the look of begrudging compliance on my face each time she pulls into the garage (you're familiar) after she's bought another goldfish with that look on her face that says "i've bought another goldfish". maybe it's the fact that after the fish have been brought into the house, i pretend they don't exist, closing my eyes, plugging my ears, and unleashing shriek after shriek like an air raid siren to drown out the sound of my wife's pure glee at her newest "fishy boi". whatever the reason, the fact remains that we have entirely too many goldfish. the house is full of them. every nook and cranny of the house that can be filled with water is filled with water (and fish); the tubs, the sinks, the toilets, every cup and bowl in the house, all our trash cans, the garden hose (i leave it running), the ice maker, the hot water heater (those last two are filled with dead fish, though my wife seems to just ignore them as i see her pouring fish food into them each morning, humming sweetly to herself). even the neighbors have caught on, pointing and staring, whispering to one another "oh, there she goes again, it's goldfish lady" and "come on kids, we'll tick or treat the next place, this is the goldfish lady's house" and "they really need to pull their trash cans inside, it's been weeks." the 'goldfish dilemma' as my father has taken to calling it, between bouts of uncontrollable laughter, is putting such an intense strain on our marriage that counseling has now become a neccessity. my wife doesn't come though, since she has far too many goldfish to tend to and no longer has time for such trivialities as the marital bond between husband and wife. even now, i can hear the keys to the car jingling in my wife's hand; the door closes, the car starts, and our family just got one goldfish larger.
when will it end?